Stop Criticizing Yourself

Stop Criticizing Yourself

Has someone has ever caused you emotional pain with careless, mean or sarcastic remarks? What follows are some practical ideas to avoid that sort of pain in the future – and to also make sure that “someone” is not your own self.

Of course criticism can be a positive thing at times – and we must be able process this kind of feedback if we want to progress in our lives. Without some form of feedback it would be hard to improve our performance or behaviors.

But criticism can also inflict pain! It can cut very deep – and even stay with us for our lifetime. Depending upon how well you handle it, criticism has the potential to put serious limits on your life – OR to take you forward into higher levels of personal performance.

Sorting it Out
Let’s start with a sorting technique to separate the facts from the opinions. A fact is something that is somehow provable and can be shown to be true. An opinion is an idea, or someone’s personal interpretation of something. Look at your dog, for example. If you were to say,” That’s a beautiful dog,” it would be an opinion.

The underlying fact it that it’s a dog. Your neighbor might think your dog is ordinary looking, or even ugly. One judgment (It’s a dog) is objective, and the other (It’s a beautiful dog) is subjective.

Many times people will state their opinions as fact – while what they are expressing is only their opinion.

I saw someone step on a scale on a TV program and weigh in at 450 pounds. I was alarmed, but he beamed with joy. I had automatically judged him to be seriously overweight. But he revealed that he had lost almost 400 pounds. Wow! My opinion was just that – and his judgment was quite different!

if someone calls you a “couch potato” (the term could be a lot more painful), you should decide for yourself if this is a fact or an opinion. Check out how you look. Do you look or act like a “couch potato?” No? Then this is just someone’s opinion.

The Question

Here’s the really important question! Just whose opinion of you is the most important?

There are periods in life when other peoples’ opinions of us are more important than our own opinion. This especially occurs during our sensitive teenage years. Since we are beginning to take our place as a young man or woman, the opinions of our peer’s often have a huge impact.

Actually that is a natural part of becoming “socialized.” But it’s one we do want to grow beyond as we become adults. Sooner or later we have to make a serious decision to have OUR OWN opinion of ourselves be the most important opinion.

What’s Your Frame of Reference
The best way to correct any tendency to judge yourself poorly is to learn to choose your ‘frame of reference’. A ‘frame of reference’ is the criteria by which we judge something, or determine if it is valid.

There are two possible frames of reference: internal and external. Here’s how to understand the two:

Suppose you have completed a task at work. How do you know you’ve done it well? Does your direct supervisor tell you “Great job!”– or do you just know without anyone saying so? The first “frame of reference” is external, and the second is internal.

Actually neither frame of reference is better than the other – both can have their own importance.

For example, when learning something new, an external frame of reference is very useful. It’s otherwise difficult to learn anything other than what you already know. That’s why the learning experience is based on external feedback … until we have enough experience to decide for ourselves what’s working.

An internal frame of reference has YOU deciding what’s good, bad, or otherwise.

If you have an internal “feeling” that you’re using to judge yourself, this is an internal frame of reference. If you know what you’re doing, that’s probably appropriate. But if you’re doing something totally new, you may still benefit from some external feedback.

Dealing Positively With Opinions

When you are thinking about your self and how you’re regarded, it’s beneficial to create some solid, positive internal frames of reference.

People with healthy self-esteem operate from a positive internal frame of reference in regard to their personal worth. People with weaker self-esteem operate from an external frame of reference – and are more likely to listen to other people’s opinions of their worth. And in some cases – they actually allow others to totally decide their worth. This is does not lead to a positive life experience!

So can you change this? Here are few simple suggestions:

• Start by paying attention to what you say to yourself about your own self. If you hear negative self talk YOU are creating a negative internal frame of reference.
• Begin to correct this by paying more attention to the things you appreciate about yourself.
• Put more focus on what you do well, and realize that none of us are perfect in all aspects of our lives.
• Be a little kinder and forgiving of yourself and others.
• Forget past pain and judgments, and stop re-creating them by bringing them into the present moment.
• Take a course, read a book, or attend a seminar on personal empowerment or self-esteem.

posted by Jill Ammon-Wexler
Amazing Success

 

 

BREAK FREE: 12 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Incredibly Happy
By Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler

You can instantly transform your life in truly remarkable ways. Simply adjust the way you think and you’ll experience a better, more successful and exciting life. This easy-to-read 145-page book is packed with real-life stories, amazing research results, and life-changing insights and proven methods

The author, Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a pioneer consciousness researcher and doctor of psychology. The book merges the insights and methods she has developed over 45 years working with performers, executives and achievement-oriented people from around the world.

Earlier, shorter editions were previously published as “The Secret of Instant Personal Transformation” and “Transform Your Thinking”

By Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler

GO READ THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS FREE: Download and read it on your desktop with the FREE Amazon Kindle app, OR download onto on your Kindle, Nook, iPad, iPhone, iPod touch, PC, Mac, Blackberry, or Android-based device. CLICK HERE to Preview the Book FREE!

Good News – Pay It Forward Happening

Here’s some good news…

Dr. Jill here from The Self Growth Planet. Did you see the movie *Pay It Forward* with Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt –or did you read the book? Well although a  decade has passed, it seems like the movement is still alive and well. And that’s really good news!

Real Live Good News

The *Pay It Forward* concept is to reach out and help a stranger, expecting only that they will do the same for someone else. The good news is —  this great idea of performing unsolicited acts of kindness has actually surfaced as a social movement in the sweet little seaside town of Nanaimo, British Columbia [located on Vancouver Island.]

According to one well-known Nanaimo resident, he got to the window at Tim Horton’s to pay for his cup of coffee, but the cashier told him that the customer before him had already paid for his coffee. When he then told the sales girl that he would then pay for the next person behind him, she told him he was the fourth consecutive person to do this.

That stirred up his interest. He asked the girl if anyone at the restaurant had kept track of such spontaneous acts of kindness. One of the employees shared even more good news —  he was aware of 30 people in a row on one day.

It seems that in the midst of all the gloom and doom we get from the news media lately, caring for your neighbor is still alive and well. Hurrah.

Let’s Keep This Good News Going!

How about passing this good news along to your friends and Facebook pals. Let’s keep this friendly good news movement going.

 

PINEAL GLAND & THIRD EYE: Proven Methods to Develop your higher self
By Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler

There is now very real scientific proof that your pineal gland truly IS a third eye. Read More Here!

 

posted by Jill Ammon-Wexler
Amazing Success

What is Genius?

What makes a genius?

Have you ever wondered what it is that makes a genius unique? What makes him or her stand out from the crowd? Is it the size of his/her brain, the way he or she was brought up, or is intelligence simply passed down from one generation to the next?

Before we take a look at exactly what genius is, let’s clear the air once and for all and find out some of the things genius definitely is NOT.

What Genius is NOT

Forget IQ tests, levels of education, how big your forehead is — genius has very little to do with any of these things.

You can’t inherit your intelligence from parents or grandparents, nor can you become intelligent simply by passing an exam or two. And even if your brain is the largest in the world, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll use it in a more intelligent way.

If you’re a well read person you might have a lot of knowledge on a variety of topics. You may even have a degree or diploma in your favorite subject. Each of these is a positive sign of the potential for intelligent thinking, showing that you have drive, determination, and the ability to reach certain goals.

… But it doesn’t make you a genius.

The One Specific Key to Genius

Modern neuroscience research has clearly identified at least one characteristic of genius level brains — and it is NOT something you are born with! What is that one thing? It’s something that was discovered years ago by researcher Marion Diamond — a brain thick with connections from one brain cell to another. And YES, this is a learned condition of the brain, not something you are born with. YOU CAN LEARN to think like a genius!

Posted by Jill Ammon-Wexler
Amazing Solutions

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